Alabama Woman Kid-naps Baby Goat, Dyes it Blue, and is Rewarded with Two Felony Charges

The yearly competition for the biggest dope stick in a Gulf coast state is always fierce.The perennial favorite is Florida Man, like the one who drowned a couple of weeks ago looking for a golf ball. A tie for second place is who can be dumber–Florida Woman or Texas Politician. Texas is going for the gold this year.

I am giving the early lead to a newcomer, Alabama Woman. Stealing livestock is a felony in the state, and we are an agricultural state ( I already have artichokes and tomato seeds germinated). Said woman saw an adorable pet kid in a yard, and decided to steal it. This is where keeping it real goes wrong.

After getting home with it, and showing it to her little daughter, she decided it wasn’t cute enough. It needed to be blue, she thought, and so dyed half of it blue. Second felony–cruelty to animals. No goat wants to have the blues.

This was on our Gulf coast, Baldwin county, and the spring break insanity had not even started at that time. Why not get ahead of the competition? I hope the Stones write a new song about this. I have the first two lines of it, gratis.

“I see the White Goat and I want to Dye it Blue,

I See the Jail Door and I Want to Walk on Through.”

Mick can send me just a fraction of the royalties.

Author: southernfusionfood

Writer, Woodworker, and Happy Eater

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