Germany's Most Beautiful Cow Is Dead

Sad news from Deutsche Welle, the Voice of Germany. The German cow who won more cow beauty pageants than any other, is dead at the age of thirteen. She actually won more than twenty bovine beauty contests, and was named “Lady Gaga.” I wish I could make this up.

Worse than that, this Holstein was born in France.

"Schnitzel Alarm" in Germany!

Achtung! There’s a schnitzel crisis in Germany, according to the authoritative website Deutsche Welle (that’s Voice of Germany). EU exports to China have caused a tripling of pork prices on the continent.

The cause–Swine Fever, which is killing pigs in China faster than an abacus can count. DW also reports that China plans to import three million tons of pork, much of it from the EU. And I have always loved sweet and sour pork.

So keep an eye on your pigs. Globalization is also a pig problem, and not just with Kapitalistenschwein (that’s capitalist pigs). According to the head of Germany’s Meat Association, “Sausage will definitely be more expensive next year.”

It’s time to invest in pork belly futures again.

Update! Denmark is considering building a wall along their border with Germany, to keep out the notorious wild German pigs, who may or may not be carrying Swine Fever–currently, there are no confirmed cases. The Germans have nicknamed it the “Boar-der Wall.” Now that is droll.

Sauerkraut Season

The Beginning, and the End Result

What with the fall cabbage harvest coming in, it’s time to turn that surplus into a German, and German-American, specialty. Namely, fermented sliced cabbage, better known as Sauerkraut.

Pictured above is a first day ferment, complete with fermentation lids, made by yours truly for next to nothing, and a nice quart I made last spring. My mother in law Agnes Olga would fiddle around with giant crocks full of cabbage, but not me. Give me a lid and an airlock any day.

Ingredients

One medium Cabbage, sliced

Salt

Caraway Seeds

Apple Wine (substitute any white wine)

This not exactly traditional recipe is kicked up by the addition of the wine. Among other things, it insures the fermenting cabbage will not be exposed to the air. Also, a bludgeoning tool is most efficacious when it comes to stomping down some fresh cabbage.

Stompers

The sliced cabbage needs to be crushed to release the water contained in the leaves. The big one does that, and the small one is used to pack the jars. A medium cabbage only makes two pints of kraut, if they are properly stomped on. Ferment for three to six weeks, depending on how sauer you like your kraut.

This is a great first fermentation project. That, and the final product tastes great on a good bratwurst.

Festhalle Farmer’s Market

What a Market Should Look Like

While the farmer’s market season is technically over for the year at the Festhalle in Cullman, Alabama, the authorities at Parks and Rec have been convinced to let farmer’s still sell after the official end of the season–for free. The strange thing about this early closure is that anyone who has ever grown any greens, knows this is the prime season for them in this area. Cool weather and abundant moisture make for the best greens, especially collards.

Case in point. This past Saturday was both cold and windy, but our favorite seller was there early in the morning with an assortment of greens. It had been so warm up to this point that he even had tomatoes! Best of all he had what is said to be the largest timber framed structure in the Southeast all to himself.

We loaded up on tomatoes, as we have greens left over from the week before. Then, right behind us, was the brand new tribute to our German roots. A Weihnachtspyramide, and a big one at that.

That’s a Christmas Pyramid

Not satisfied with having the largest timber framed building around, the Mayor and Parks and Rec went straight to the Erzgebirge (Ore Mountains) in Deutschland, and commissioned this gigantic ornament. It even has a carved replica of Colonel Cullman on the second level from the top. Not only does it dwarf the gazebo behind it, it is documented to be the largest Christmas Pyramid in the US.

Three big guys actually came over from the Erzgebirger to assemble this thing, although while I was reading a version of this story in German, Google translate kicked in, and said there were “woodpeckers” coming over to assemble it. If the woodpeckers looked across the parking lot, this is what they saw on the side of the office for the Festhalle.

Use the ATM so Farmer’s can Get Cash

Judging by the size of them, I would say that they agreed with this sentiment.

Traditional Farmer’s Omelette with All Local Ingredients

Bauernomlett

To celebrate a drought busting two inches of rain, and to challenge myself, I decided to make a Farmer’s Omelette the traditional German way, using only local ingredients. In fact, they were so local that all but one ingredient came from within a hundred feet of our front door.

The brilliance of this recipe is that it only calls for three main ingredients–bacon, potatoes, and eggs. Everything else is optional, and subject to improvisation. This is a jazz recipe, and I always follow my use what you have rule. Here is today’s version.

Ingredients

One slice Bacon

One skillet full of Yukon Gold Potatoes, cubed

Four Eggs

Two small Tomatoes, chopped

One sweet Banana Pepper, chopped

Garlic Chives, chopped

Salt and Pepper

The only ingredient we didn’t grow ourselves was the bacon, which came from just across the Mulberry River, from my home county of Cullman. The county happens to be named after its founder Colonel Johannes Gottfried Kullman, though he was actually a Colonel in one of the failed German state revolutions of 1848. Hence his removal to the United States.

This is also no ordinary bacon

Marinated Fresh Bacon

The bacon is so large that eight slices made a pound, and I had to cut one slice into three pieces just to make it fit my omelette skillet. These slices of fresh bacon were marinated for six days in a Saumure Anglaise.

The German method of cooking this is to fry the bacon while simmering the potatoes in water for eight to ten minutes. The bacon is then removed from the skillet, and the potatoes are browned in the bacon fat. I added the peppers as well. Chop up the bacon, and mix the eggs. I put my tomatoes and garlic chives in with the eggs, and then the bacon. When the potatoes begin to brown, add the egg mixture, and stir to evenly distribute the ingredients.

I did depart from the norm, and finished the omelette in the oven at 400 degrees F. While I cooked, Melanie Jane turned on Beethoven’s Emperor Piano Concerto. We ate while listening to one of my favorite recordings, the Bavarian State Orchestra performing Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony, conducted by the incomparable Carlos Kleiber. We also had a Bavarian flag hanging off the balcony above our dining room table, in honor of Oktoberfest. One of our semi-domesticated wolves, aka a dog, ate the leftovers.

As the salt was not mined, nor the peppercorns picked, anywhere locally, I will admit that this was only ninety nine percent local. But that is still ninety nine percent better than food that has been trucked across a continent.

Cullman Oktoberfest 2019

Courtesy of the Cullman Oktoberfest Facebook page, here is the schedule for this year’s Oktoberfest. The primary locations are the Cullman County Museum, and the Cullman Festhalle, said to be the largest timber framed structure in the Southeast. Prost!

Monday, September 30, 2019

9:00 AM – 2:00 PM School Tours at Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 2:30 PM Wolfgang Moritz at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Nimble Thimble Quilt Guild Display at Cullman County Museum

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM St. John’s Church Oktoberfest Dinner

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

7:00 AM – 2:00 PM Farmers Market at the Festhalle

8:30 AM – 2:00 PM Wolfgang Moritz at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 2:00 PM School Tours at Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Nimble Thimble Quilt Guild Display at Cullman County Museum

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM Freddie Day Catering at the Festhalle

5:00 PM Busy Bee Café German Menu

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

8:30 AM – 2:00 PM Wolfgang Moritz at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 2:00 PM School Tours at Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Nimble Thimble Quilt Guild Display at Cullman County Museum

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM Freddie Day Catering at the Festhalle

5:00 PM Busy Bee Café German Menu

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM Sacred Heart German Dinner

5:00 PM – 10:00 PM Carriage Rides

5:00 PM – 10:00 PM Cullman Oktoberfest Biergarten

6:00 PM – 7:00 PM Opening Ceremonies at the Festhalle

6:00 PM – 10:00 PM Children’s Activities at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

7:00 PM Paper Airplane Contest at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

7:00 PM – 10:00 PM Terry Cavanagh & the Alpine Express at the Festhalle

7:30 PM Pickle Eating Contest (Ages 14 & Under)

8:00 PM Best German Costume Contest & Longest Beard and Braid Contests

9:00 PM Stein Hoisting Contest

Thursday, October 3, 2019

7:00 AM – 2:00 PM Farmers Market at the Festhalle

8:30 AM – 2:00 PM Wolfgang Moritz at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 2:00 PM School Tours at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Nimble Thimble Quilt Guild Display at Cullman County Museum

10:00 AM – 11:30 AM Terry Cavanagh & the Alpine Express at the Festhalle

10:00 AM – 2:00 PM Senior Day at the Festhalle

10:00 AM – 2:00 PM Cullman Oktoberfest Biergarten at Senior Day

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM Freddie Day Catering at the Festhalle

5:00 PM Busy Bee Café German Menu

5:00 PM – 10:00 PM Carriage Rides

5:00 PM – 10:00 PM Cullman Oktoberfest Biergarten

6:00 PM – 6:45 PM Cullman Community Band at the Festhalle

6:00 PM – 10:00 PM Children’s Activities at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

7:00 PM Paper Airplane Contest at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

7:00 PM Candlelight Walking Tour (Beginning at the Cullman Depot)

7:00 PM – 10:00 PM Terry Cavanagh & the Alpine Express at the Festhalle

7:30 PM Pickle Eating Contest (Ages 14 & Under)

8:00 PM Best German Costume Contest & Longest Beard and Braid Contests

9:00 PM Stein Hoisting Contest

Friday, October 4, 2019

8:30 AM – 2:00 PM Wolfgang Moritz at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 2:00 PM School Tours at the Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Nimble Thimble Quilt Guild Display at Cullman County Museum

10:00 AM – 8:00 PM Arts & Crafts Show at Depot Park

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM Freddie Day Catering at the Festhalle

3:30 PM – 12:00 AM (overnight) Cullman Oktoberfest Biergarten

4:00 PM – 10:00 PM Children’s Activities at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

5:00 PM Busy Bee Café German Menu

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM Wine Tasting at the Biergarten

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM Christ Lutheran Oktoberfest Dinner

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM Avenue G at the Festhalle

5:00 PM – 10:00 PM Cullman Oktoberfest Classic Car Show

6:00 PM – 8:00 PM Living History Cemetery Tour (Every 30 Minutes; Departing from Festhalle)

7:00 PM Paper Airplane Contest at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

7:00 PM – 9:00 PM The Overtones at the Festhalle

7:30 PM Pickle Eating Contest (Ages 14 & Under)

8:00 PM Best German Costume Contest & Longest Beard and Braid Contests

9:00 PM Stein Hoisting Contest9:00 PM – 12:00 AM (overnight)My One & Only at the Festhalle

Saturday, October 5, 2019

7:00 AM – 9:00 PM Farmers Market at the Festhalle

8:00 AM Oktoberfest 5K & 10K Run

8:00 AM – 8:00 PM Arts & Crafts Show at Depot Park

8:00 AM – 10:00 PM Children’s Activities at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

8:30 AM – 9:00 AM East & West Elementary Singers at the Festhalle

9:00 AM K9s-4-A-Kause at Depot Park

9:00 AM – 10:00 AM Cullman Middle & Cullman High School Singers at the Festhalle

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Nimble Thimble Quilt Guild Display at Cullman County Museum

9:00 AM – 5:00 PM Oktoberfest Junior Sidewalk Art Show

9:00 AM – 10:00 PM Carriage Rides

10:00 AM – 11:00 AM Wallace State Singers at the Festhalle

10:00 AM – 11:59 AM Cullman Oktoberfest Biergarten

10:00 AM – 7:00 PM Bingo at Sacred Heart Church (Concessions Sold)

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM Freddie Day Catering at the Festhalle

11:00 AM – 12:00 PM Wallace State Jazz Band at the Festhalle

12:00 PM Lions Club Bed Races at Depot Park

12:30 PM Bratwurst Eating Contest at the Festhalle

2:00 PM Round 2 at the Festhalle

2:45 PM Paper Airplane Finals at the Cullman County Museum Parking Lot

4:00 PM – 7:00 PM Corn Hole Tournament at Goat Island Brewery Sponsored by St. Paul’s Lutheran Church & School

5:00 PM Busy Bee Café German Menu

5:00 PM – 7:00 PM Wine Tasting at the Biergarten

6:00 PM Blind the Sky at the Festhalle

8:00 PM Best German Costume Contest & Longest Beard and Braid Contests

10:00 PM Stein Hoisting Contest

There’s still time to practice your chicken dance, so go ahead and shake those tail feathers.

Biergarten Tomorrow, July 11, 2019, in Alabama’s Rocket City of Huntsville!

Huntsville, soon to be home to a minor league baseball team named the Rocket City Trash Pandas, has it’s very own Biergarten tomorrow. Best of all, it’s being held at the U. S. Space and Rocket Center there–hence the name “Rocket City.”

Admission is free, so get out your Dirndls and Lederhosen and bring money, because you have to pay for the food and drink. Maybe the Lederhosen is not a great idea at 95 degrees F, but a nice Dirndl is really really nice, any time of the year.

Doors open at 4:30 in the afternoon, and close at 7:30 at night. Prost!

If you miss this one, there will be another July 18, in honor of the Apollo 11 moon landing. The Saturn rocket was a Huntsville product.